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Domestic violence victims in Nigeria say, ‘Never Again’

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By Amadin Uyi

For Grace Joseph Udoh, sitting behind her sewing machine at the Kurudu area of Abuja is a relief, though the hours move slowly, her time is well spent meeting the demands of her customers and when she is not at her shop, she is doing school work

All these brought for her a sense of relief and contentment especially for someone with her experience who has gone through an ordeal that sometimes the thought brings tears to her eyes

She is now independent, she has gone back to school and hoping she can graduate in the next one year, she also can cater for her kids and best of all, the years of her being battered by her spouse are over.

In a country where spousal battering means nothing to many, as cultural and religious institutions have not done enough to offer more protection to victims who are mostly women, many women have not lived to tell their story but Grace’s story is different, she is alive and has moved on, she is better off as a single mother having escaped with her life many years ago

Like many others, Grace did not experience battering when she met her spouse in 1997, it all started after he travelled to the village for a wedding, and when he came back, he returned a changed person

Religion this time caused the rift between both of them, Grace a professing Christian while her Husband is a professing Muslim, despite this both had lived peacefully till he came up with the idea that Grace needed to convert to his religion, this was ten years after they first met
“It started 2007 when he travelled, everything was moving smoothly and very fine, he travelled and when he came back, everything about him changed”

She said wife battering is an experience she will not even wish her worst enemy.
“It affects one psychologically, mentally, physically, emotionally, all round and it makes one loose his or her self esteem”

Even when her Husband said he was going to marry another wife from his own religion, Grace did not oppose it but that did not bring the much needed peace to the marriage, he still insisted that her presence would obstruct the relationship with his new wife so she needed to leave.
At any instance he would resort to violence

There was nowhere and no one Grace could turn to as she did not grow up with friends so had no social circle she could tell her experience and her father whom she grew up with had disowned her after she had realized she was pregnant out of wedlock saying she brought shame to the family

She had to relocate to his house where at that point, he was a saving grace to her
“He was like my savior as there was no one to turn to”

Grace still looks back with regret as the society did not render any support at that time

From one kid to another, three Children were born to the union, first two boys and a girl such that when the situation changed, it was not easy to walk out of the union

That she said strengthened her resolve to endure whatever abuse she was facing as she always told herself, it would be worse off for the kids if she abandons the union leaving her children for a strange woman
“I was always telling myself that if I was in the marriage and my kids were suffering, what would happen to them if I leave the marriage in the hands of a stranger and a strange woman for that matter”

So she made a resolution to bear whatever she sees or is dished to her, however, she had to have a rethink the day she almost lost her life
“He woke me up in the middle of the night holding a knife and told me that I had to make a decision or prepare to die, that it was either I leave the marriage or he would kill me, fortunately my landlord who was entering the house that night heard heated argument and loud voices and barged into the room unexpectedly, that was what saved me that night as I saw he was determined to kill me, maybe by now I would have been a dead person”

After that night Grace told herself she had to make a move as it was clear, the society was not offering her any protection

Reflecting on her ordeal, it’s been over ten years since she made a decision to quit the union, looking back, Grace thinks she is much better than how she was in those dark days
She said she was once a drop out from school but she has taken back those years and made the best of her life, she returned to school, learned a trade which she uses to sponsor herself and is an undergraduate at the verge of graduating from a higher institution

Life has given her much more than she bargained for as she is not the vulnerable and weak woman anymore
“God has been helping me to take care of the kids, they are moving on well, I thank God I am much better”
“I have upgraded even beyond what I could think of or imagine, so I am much better and I am getting more better”

Grace maintained that she will never endure her experience again and will not wish such for her worst enemy, she also urged women in abusive relationships to quit and save their lives saying for whatever reason they think, it is not worth it
“What I will tell women is that they should move on, and after they have moved on, they should improve on themselves, they should upgrade from their present level to a better person, the sky is just a starting point for them”

Though Graces’ experience is one out of many in Nigeria, many other women have not lived to tell their own stories

Government passed the Violence Against Persons Prohibition act also known as the VAPP act into law in 2015 to offer more protection to victims of sexual and Gender based violence
The act recommends sanctions to persons that engage in any form of violence including sexual and domestic violence and within the last eight years since it was passed at the federal level, about thirty-four out of thirty six states have domesticated the act giving it powers to be enforced within their states

Aderonke Bello, the Executive Director of the FAME foundation thinks the VAPP act has given victims especially women, an opportunity to seek redress when abused
“Speak out, tell your story, share it, the VAPP act gives you an opportunity to seek justice”

While the case between Grace and her husband was instigated by religious differences, Bello believes no excuse is tenable to perpetrate domestic violence, she also insists that society must stop stigmatizing the victims

Irene Davis (Not her real name) another victim residing at the Lugbe area of Abuja, a mother of three and a teacher, says that her experience left her traumatized, took away her self-esteem and her self-dignity
“It affected everything about me, it affected my emotional and social lifestyle”

She said she would be slapped and beaten at every opportunity by her spouse who she met in 2009 and he would perpetrate the act even in the public

She even recounted one of her experiences when he asked her to leave, he took her belongings out of the house including her original credentials and set everything on fire in the presence of neigbours

She added that the abuse started when they were dating and she always hoped he would change but things got worse after their marriage

At every slight opportunity she would receive slaps and beatings like a child but yet she endured hoping things would get better, when his temper cools he would start crying and begging her for forgiveness that he didn’t want to lose her and could not live his life without her

She described her Husband who she is now separated from as having serious anger issues, one who would go the extreme to cause her pains whenever he felt she had upset him

Gradually Irene began to live a reclusive life as she no longer had friends and could not go to her family

Irene who met her Husband when she was 21, got married to him the next year at the age of 22

She received very little support from the Church as they would tell her to keep praying for him to change despite the violence she was experiencing
“Be the strong African woman, be the virtuous woman, keep praying and of course I kept praying, I don’t think there is any kind of prayer I have not prayed, some will tell you to pray with salt, some will tell you to write his name and put salt and pray, some will tell you to do midnight prayer, some will tell you to pray naked, I did all those but as a matter of fact, the more I prayed, the worse he became”

With three kids in the marriage, Irene admits she had to endure everything including the emotional and physical violence for several reasons
“I was scared, if I leave this man where am I going to, my family back home are not even financially buoyant to take care of me, I had five younger ones who are still looking up to me so where would I go”

She also blamed societal pressure for not wanting to leave the abusive relationship
“I was scared of what people will say, what will the society say, what will my friends say, they will see me as a failure who could not keep a home, they will look down on me, they will say all sorts to me so I endured the beating, the abuse and maltreatment”

However it was not long before she realized that she was breaking up and her life was in danger after almost ten years in the marriage
“I made up my mind in the year 2020, that was the year I said enough is enough, the maltreatment became worse, he didn’t care anymore in the house, he doesn’t touch me and it was like he literally told me when I am tired I would leave the house on my own”
“it was very early in the morning, I was still in my nighties, he started dragging me in the presence of the kids, pulling my hair, trying to push me out of the house, “so many things flashed through my mind, what if I fall and hit my head on the pavement, my kids were crying, that was the sight that got to me and I said no Irene, you can’t continue like this, would I want my sons to grow up doing the same things to their wives? I started hatching my plans of leaving”

With her mind made up, Irene finally left the marriage, looking back, she thinks she made the right decision though she regrets that society did not do more to protect her
She is however delighted how things have turned out in the last three years
“Since I left the marriage, it’s not been easy but I think I am coping well, now I have my sanity, I live my life, I am happy at all times, I am not expecting any quarrel, I am not expecting any beating, nobody is waiting for me to do anything, nobody is going to see fault in almost everything I do”
“I am happier, I am very free, I have time to think, I have finished my degree program, I am planning to go for my masters, I have started my business, I am doing some courses online, my mindset has changed, I have been reading books, I have met people, I have a whole network of people which I wouldn’t have met if I was with him because I was literally quote and unquote under bondage”

Irene claimed she would never have gone through her ordeal if she was more exposed and enlightened, she said that now, she sees her real beauty and even after three kids, she still receives advances from men, what she thought would never happen, though she is not ready for any relationship, she wants to be focused and achieve her dreams
“Every time I go out, people just want to talk with me, they don’t even believe I was once married, they don’t believe I even have a kid talk more of three, my first two kids, twins, are almost teenagers now, I still get lots of advances, lots of toasters, I am honestly not ready for it, I just want to build up my life, pick up the pieces of my life and focus on my career”

Aderonke Bello from the Fame foundation thinks Irene made the right decision and urges society to stop stigmatizing victims like Irene

Another Expert, Yinka Shokunbi from the Network of Reproductive Health Journalists maintains that both Grace and Irene made the right decision by leaving the environment where violence was being perpetrated
“Anyone caught up in any form of domestic violence should seek refuge first, run out of the situation so that you do not die, once you go out of the space then you can seek help and support”

Though Yinka expressed worry over the lack of support from religious and cultural institutions, she thinks they need reorientation
“They need continuous training, they need continuous information to be passed unto them”

Edosa Oviawe, a program Manager with the Global rights while blaming a power relationship for domestic violence thinks it is caused by the perpetrator’s sense of power, control, and entitlement
“Some people may be quick to blame it on loss of self-control, drug or alcohol use, but these factors only amplify the root cause which is the perpetrator’s feeling of having more power and control over the victim”

Edosa maintains that unless a perpetrator have been proven to be mentally incapable of reasoning, or having permanent mental disorder, no excuse can be tenable for the act
He urges victims like Grace and Irene to report their experiences as a first step to ending the repeated circle of violence
“You can only get help when you speak out. Even if all you need is a Protection Order as provided for by the VAPP Act, report so that help can be provided, it doesn’t always mean sending your partner to jail but a first step in getting yourself help”

For Victims like grace and Irene who represent many others that have escaped abusive relationships, they say Never again.

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PENGASSAN Women Commission marks International Day of the Girl Child in FCT

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Yetunde Rufus-Adelakun presenting school bag to one of the girl's at the event

***Focuses on Social Media Influence challenges

The Petroleum and Natural Gas Senior Staff Association of Nigeria (PENGASSAN) Women Commission (PWC) celebrated the International Day of the Girl Child by addressing concerns over the negative influence of social media.

Held at Junior Secondary School, Karomanjigi, in Abuja, the celebration aimed to empower young girls and inspire them to pursue their dreams.

Though the International Day of the Girl Child took place on The 11th of October, 2024, the PWC northern region decided to celebrate it on the 30th of October, 2024.

The National Chairperson of the PWC, Comrade Engineer Mary-Anne Ada Mbanaso, who served as the event’s special guest of honor emphasized the commission’s commitment to the event, which is marked annually across all four zones: Warri, Port Harcourt, Lagos, and Kaduna. “Each zone celebrates this day to raise awareness and empower girls,” she stated, encouraging the girls to believe in themselves, know their rights under the Child Rights Act, and aspire to any career they choose.

Comrade Mbanasso also discussed the challenges young girls face, particularly due to social media as she urged parents to monitor their children’s online activities and apply parental controls, highlighting the importance of guidance and counseling in today’s technology-driven world. 

“Parents must pay close attention and instill strong values to prepare their children for the future,” she said.

In her inspiring message, Mbanasso shared her own journey, recalling her determination to become an engineer despite her father’s wish for her to study medicine. She encouraged the girls to pursue their passions, view challenges as opportunities, and communicate openly with their parents about their goals. “You are the future. Hard work pays off. Believe in your dreams, overcome obstacles, and stay focused,” she urged, emphasizing confidence and resilience.
The National Deputy Chairperson of Pengassan Women Commission who is also the Kaduna Zonal Chairperson, Comrade Yetunde Rufus-Adelakun aka Mama Yetty who organised the event reflected on this year’s theme, “The Future of the Girl Child,” emphasizing the importance of empowering young girls through education, particularly in fields like STEM—Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics.

“This day is significant,” she said, “because it’s about investing in the future of young girls. We need to instill the value of education, making sure girls understand its importance. Through STEM, we are opening doors for them in fields that can shape their future and drive innovation.”

Mama Yetty acknowledged the growing concerns around social media and societal pressures that can influence young girls. She stressed the importance of community support, guidance, and positive reinforcement. “The NDLEA and other stakeholders are here to ensure children have the right knowledge about society today. We want our girls and boys to become champions, to stand tall in their goals, and not let negative influences sway them.”

Her message called on young girls to study hard, pursue their dreams, and become leaders who can spread the value of education to other girls, especially in rural areas.

Theme: Girls’ Vision for the Future – Catch Them Young’

The FCT TUCWC Chairperson,Comrade Sandra Nnenna Ogbonna, highlighted the necessity of collective support in nurturing empowered young girls. She pointed out the unique vulnerabilities that girls face and stressed the importance of instilling positive habits and values early on.

Comrade Ogbonna advocated for parental vigilance in the digital age, emphasizing that young girls are increasingly susceptible to the pitfalls of social media. She recommended practical limitations on device usage, encouraging parents to prioritize educational focus before granting access to technology. “Parents should proactively educate their children about the good and the harmful, guiding them toward positive choices,” she stated.
Ogbonna also emphasized the need for a community-driven approach to child-rearing, encouraging parents to be open to input from educators and caregivers. “No one person raises a child alone. Community feedback can significantly shape a child’s behavior and choices,” she remarked, calling for a revival of communal support in nurturing values.
She concluded with a call to action for parents to prioritize open communication within their households and communities to foster positive growth and development in young girls. “Listening to and valuing input from others is crucial for raising children with the right values,” she affirmed.
The event being part of PENGASSAN Women commission outreach in Kaduna Zone, aimed to inspire girls to dream big and recognize the importance of education and self-empowerment for success. 
The PWC donated Sanitary towels to firm support for the girls in the school for hygiene and ease of availability.
There were also health talks on Cancer of the breast, Child’s rights, Drug Abuse and gifts of educational materials as well as presents to the overall best students in each set in the GSS Karomanjiji school.
The National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) was on hand to also guide the children against the dangers in drug abuse and the negative consequences.
The International Federation of Women Lawyers was also represented to exposed the girls to the issues around their rights as well as the Girl Child Right.

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WABMA Tackles Gender-Based Violence, Convene Town Hall with Faith, Cultural Leaders

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Leaders of faith, culture, civil society, and the media are set to converge in Enugu on October 31, 2024, a historic town hall meeting aimed at addressing Sexual and Gender-Based Violence (SGBV) in Nigeria.
Organized by the West Africa Broadcast & Media Academy (WABMA) Media Development Foundation and supported by the Ford Foundation, the town hall will bring together over 100 leaders from South East Nigeria to create a unified front against SGBV.
The event will be the first of its kind in which such a large-scale gathering of faith and cultural leaders has been dedicated to confronting SGBV in the region.
It aims to empower leaders to speak out against the violence and drive cultural shifts in attitudes toward gender-based violence.

“SGBV remains deeply rooted in societal norms, and addressing it requires changes in our cultural and faith-based practices,” said Mr. Odoh Diego Okenyodo, coordinator of WABMA’s Amplifying the Voices of Leaders of Faith and Culture Project. “We need leaders to be outspoken when it matters and to showcase those who are already actively fighting gender-based violence.”

Dr. Ken Ike Okere, Executive Director of the WABMA Foundation, emphasized the importance of leveraging influential voices to inspire change.
“When leaders of faith and culture take a stand, their voices can spark meaningful social shifts and motivate communities to act against gender-based violence,” Okere said, reaffirming WABMA’s dedication to using media as a powerful tool for societal transformation.

With a history of impactful social change initiatives across West Africa, WABMA has led projects like Project Fact Check Nigeria, a media literacy initiative with the US Consulate, and a collaboration with GIZ to enhance the response capabilities of the Gambia Police Force on SGBV issues.
Through this town hall, WABMA seeks to amplify these efforts, using cultural and faith-based perspectives to address and reduce SGBV across Nigerian communities.

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World Food Day: SWOFON calls for renewed commitment to women farmers empowerment

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***Urges unfettered access to farm inputs, training, credit facilities

By Friday Idachaba, Lokoja.

SMALL Scale Women Farmers Organisation in Nigeria (SWOFON), Kogi State chapter, has called on the government to renew its commitment to empowering Women Farmers by according them unfettered access to farm inputs, training, and credit facilities.

Hajia Rukayat Ahmed, Kogi State Coordinator of SWOFON made the call at the occasion of the 2024 World Food Day Celebration and Interactive Forum organized by the organisation on Wednesday in Lokoja.

The celebration was Organised by SWOFON in collaboration with Kogi State Budget Committee Group (BCG) and Ministry of Agriculture with support from ActionAid Nigeria.

She said that World Food Day event aimed to promote sustainable agriculture, combat hunger, and advocate for small holder farmers, particularly women adding that the theme for this year’s celebration, “Right to Food for a better life and better tomorrow” was particularly significant.

Ahmed said that the event called for collective action and advocacy for the millions of small-holder farmers, especially women, who work tirelessly to feed their families and communities and also nurture the future of our nation.

“It is essential that we recognize and empower women by providing them with access to resources, training, and financial support. When women farmers strive, entire communities flourish”, she said”, she said.

The SWOFON Coordinator expressed her gratitude to the Kogi State Government and the Commissioner of Agriculture and Food Security for their continuous support towards empowering women in agriculture saying , “Your leadership and commitment are vital in driving the change we seek.”A

The state Commissioner for Agriculture, Mr Timothy Ojomah represented by Mr Kunle Agbana, Director, (Agric. Services) said that the state has always and would continue to prioritize food security by supporting farmers.

He said that the World Food Day celebration served as a reminder of the importance of collective action and advocacy for small-holder farmers, especially women.

Amb. Idris Ozovehe Muraina, Chairperson, Kogi Non-Governmental Organizations Network (KONGONET) reiterated the need for states to meet the Maputo and Malabo Declarations of minimum of 10 per cent annual budgetary allocations to the Agriculture sector to ensure food security.

Muraina called for strategic planning to sustain production and ensure that the food chain is not broken because “if we eat what we have today and do not produce for tomorrow, there will be very weak hope of survival.”

In his submission, Dr Bello Ogirima George, Managing Director of Kogi State Agricultural Development Project (ADP) commended the women farmers across the country for taking the lead in agricultural production.

He said that Governor Ahmed Usman Ododo being the son of a farmers and a farmer himself, was committed to advancing the cause of farmers because “He knows where the problems are and how to solve them.”

He however, called on all Nigerians to key into Agricultural production to ensure food sufficiency saying that whoever does not work should not eat as “Food is not the Fundamental Rights of anybody.”

There were goodwill messages from the Ministries of Women Affairs, Budget and planning, Kogi State House of Assembly standing Committee on Agriculture, and various Agriculture-related NGOs at the World Food Day celebration

Highlight of the occasion was the exhibition of variety farm produce from various regions of the three Senatorial Districts of the state. (Ends)

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